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About that Decision to Not Live a “Normal” Life . . .

Warning! Contents Might Bring on Sudden Severe Bouts of Insanity

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Name:
polgarawolf
Birthdate:
5 May 1979
Location:
External Services:
  • Polgarawolf@yahoo.com
  • polgarawolf@livejournal.com
Even the short, censored version of my life's story would, unfortunately, carry an NC-17 warning for violence, etc. Sorry, y'all, but I'm not going to elaborate on that here. Just be aware that I tend to get really . . . twitchy . . . and . . . prone to mood-swings that tend towards crying jags around and throughout two very specific times of the year in which I suffered through some traumatic experiences that left big gaping holes in my blasted memory and that I don't at all appreciate (or even begin to understand) people who think torturing and/or degrading others – even (often especially!) borrowed (and sometimes quite AU) fictional characters – to be a fun pastime and remember to watch out for occasional bursts of ranting on this LJ, okay?

My journal is not entirely like my life, though. In case you were wondering:

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Very rarely indeed does my journal (or my life anymore, thank all that's holy) warrent the following:

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If for some reason, you believe you know who I am in real life, for the love of all that's holy, please, don't tell me! This is where I come to try to get away from myself. One of these days I may take my MA thesis work and turn it into an ongoing book on this lj, but I'm not quite that whole again yet (and if you don't know me well enough to know why I need more healing/courage for that, then odds are you're wrong about guessing who I am or you really don't know me all that well in real life, bucko), okay? Until then, this is the place I come to in order to get away from all of the real life crap and the limitations imposed on me by the particulars of my life and the culture/society I live in, and I'd like to keep it that way, if you don't mind.


I am what you might call anti-prejudice. Though that is a somewhat . . . paradoxical . . . sort of label, do please believe me when I say that I try very hard to be and to remain as open-minded as possible. Thus, bigotry of all sorts gives me hives and tends to make me foam at the mouth. Since I am female and have experienced more misogynism than I'd like to remember (much less detail here) in my life, I self-identify as a feminist. Before you have a knee-jerk reaction to the word "feminist," please take the time to go visit http://girl-wonder.org/girlsreadcomics/index.php?entry=entry060617-123610 and read Karen Healey's (girl-wonder.org) wonderful list detailing and/or linking to explanations of several reasons why more people should recognize the need for feminism and feminist thinking in general. Please then think about the points enumerated therein before you commence yelling at me. The list was made with comics in mind, but it applies equally to canon and fandom 'verses based on films, tv shows, books, games, etc., with only a little bit of mental editing. If you would, please, while you're at it, visit http://carnival.feministsf.net/ and support the Feminist SF Carnival, peruse the "Women in Refrigerators" list at http://www.unheardtaunts.com/wir/index.html (and consider how this kind of list applies to your fandom/canon 'verses of choice before you protest that you don't really read comics, please, and that the list is therefore in no way applicable to you), and take the time to visit http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/ Finally, a Feminism 101 Blog if you have any other specific questions about feminism in general that you'd like to see answered. Please note that remembering the argument laid out in Andrea Rubenstein's "De-Bunking the Myth of Frivolity: Understanding Popular Culture, Part 2" at http://blog.shrub.com/archives/tekanji/2006-05-24_170 will help you to avoid falling prey to the anti-feminist bingo response (and if you haven't already, please read "Bingo: The Callers Enclue You" at http://girl-wonder.org/girlsreadcomics/index.php?entry=entry070518-204342#17 and "For Those Playing Along At Home" at http://girl-wonder.org/girlsreadcomics/index.php?entry=entry070415-071159 as well as the original "Anti-Feminist-Bingo! A Master-Class in Sexual Entitlement" at http://viv.id.au/blog/?p=431 for further examples/explanations of anti-feminist bingo) of "Why are you complaining about comics [and/or any other popular culture medium, such as films, novels, tv shows, games, fandoms, etc.] when women . . . are oppressed [in real life]?" Since I am not only a feminist but a supporter of diversity, tolerance, equality, and all manner of other basic, universal, inalienable human rights, please also humor me by giving human_rights, antiracists, colorful_rage, stop_hate freetobelieve, worldconscience, gaystr8alliance, gsa_lj, feminist_101, and womens_studies a gander. And while you're at it, dear friends, coffeeandink had created a valuable tool for those seeking both a greater understanding of the ways in which the all too real and prevalent topic of racism is, lamentably, far too often ignored nowadays as well as ways in which to speak out against racism, so you'd be doing yourself a favor if you went to http://coffeeandink.livejournal.com/607897.html?view=8194457 and read the wonderfully sarcastic essay there. Also, please keep in mind that links to pertinent communities and posted info are everybody's friends, as far as I'm concerned. Spread the word by posting and/or sharing links to such communities and posted information, please. Anyone who knows of any similarly themed essays or sites, give me a holler, and I'll add them to my list! And thanks, y'all!

And while I'm posting links, an interesting essay on Darth Vader and American mythology - Elizabeth Bear's "'Join Me or Die!': A Few Words on the Necessity of Dark Power" - can be found at http://www.elizabethbear.com/darthvader.html

In case you couldn't tell, I am a fanfic reader and writer. I am, moreover, a fanfic writer who enjoys f/f and m/m slash as well as het and gen and all other kinds of wonderful, lovely, plotty things. Please do not attempt to harass me about my wide-ranging tastes or to harangue me about my chosen form of expression. I am likely to go into wild rants - as in the one over here, at http://polgarawolf.livejournal.com/75566.html - all over your punk-arse if you try, so considered yourself warned, alright?

And while we're on the subject of warnings, folks should really keep it in mind that my LJ functions as a sort of sounding board for the rough drafts of my fanfic. Because of such things as the character/word limit for LJ posts (which limits the amount of text one can post in the body of one post) and issues with formatting text, it is a bitch to try to edit anything longer than, say, two or three (or no more than a handful) of separate LJ posts long. My edited/polished fanfic can be found and read over on my ff.net account, not here on my LJ! If you want to read the finished Thwarting the Revenge of the Sith trilogy or any of the other works in my You Became to Me SW AU series (or indeed any of the other longer works of fanfic I've typed up), you seriously will need to go to http://www.fanfiction.net/u/749514/Polgarawolf savvy?

Alrighty, then. So. I am also a dyed-in-the-wool bookworm and rabid sci-fi/fantasy fan who started reading her mother's "adult" books (as opposed to the boring children's and young adult books that my teachers wanted me to read) around the time she turned eight. I was also read things by J. R. R. Tolkien, Ayn Rand, Frank Herbert, and others much ealier on in life - indeed, as a very young child, while my mother walked in loops around the braided rug in the living room with me to try to get me to quiet down and take naps. I am, thus, admittedly a wee bit ecclectic (and my mother is extremely proud of me). Currently, most of my "free" time is spent between my obsession with, ah, "fixing" the Star Wars 'verse (as I call my occasionally somewhat embarassingly extensive AU reworking of the Star Wars film saga and EU), reading in other fandoms (most of them sci-fi/fantasy, with some others based on various television shows and such that I'm addicted to, such as Criminal Minds and House) and attempting to either pawn plot bunnies from those 'verses off on other, unsuspecting fandom authors or to figure out a way to bend them enough to make them fit and make sense in the GFFA, and providing support for a certain Joss Whedon creation. If any of you don't know what Firefly or Serenity is/was, please take a few moments to visit the following sites: http://www.fireflyfans.net/ http://www.serenitymovie.com/ and http://www.fireflyseason2.com/

I am specifically a huge fan of Star Wars (canon and EU, though I admittedly love some of more than other parts of it and can often be found ranting at length about how abysmally awful the EU has gotten basically ever since the outbreak of the Yuuzhan Vong War, chronologically speaking) and of Dune (primarily, Frank Herbert's Dune series, though I'll admit the prequels and sequels co-written by his son, Brian Herbert, and Kevin J. Anderson are sometimes . . . interesting, on a number of levels; secondarily, the film and two mini-series based on the first three books in the saga, though I believe Children of Dune much better made, much more true to the books, and frankly much more watchable than the mini-series for Dune). I believe that the Dune series is one of the most massively obvious and pervasive sci-fi influences on the GFFA (both for the canon saga and the EU, though perhaps slightly more obviously in some of the EU) in existence and that there are several areas of major overlap and/or striking similarity in various cultures/societies, worlds, peoples, belief systems, etc. I believe that, if the Dune 'verse is taken as a whole and is viewed next to the SW 'verse as a whole, the two 'verses form an example of one of the nearest feats of natural near extension of one another into a single fitted whole (whether actualy intended that way by their various authors or not) that it is possible to find in the entire published body of sci-fi literature and film. Thus, my concept of the GFFA and SW in general tends to be influenced (sometimes quite heavily) by my knowledge of the Dune 'verse. Therefore, readers who are familiar with Dune can expect to find certain points of similarity between certain individuals, societies/cultures, belief systems, peoples, worlds, etc., in my SW AU series to those populating the greater Dune series - even more points of similarity than are already present in the SW canon and EU.

Unsurprisingly, considering my wide-ranging, somewhat ecclectic tastes (as explained above), there are few pairings/relationships in most of the fandoms I read (or write in) that I won't at least give a chance to prove themselves workable. If a relationship is sufficiently explained and thoroughly grounded, in terms of the basic nature of the characters, the development of those characters over the course of a story, the events/circumstances of the story itself, and the internal logic of the whole story, then odds are that I will read it and perhaps even come to enjoy/support the idea of that specific couple (or set of intertwined relationships). I am a very open reader who tends to have no more than a few OTPs for any fandom (or at least any given generation or two of a fandom) and can be convinced of the feasibility of certain relationships based on the context of each such relationship (the way it seems to be able to or to even actually be fitted into the larger canvas of the stated canon) and the skill of those writing said relationship. In other words, I will, for example, read and thoroughly adore well-written Obidala or Sobiwan/Sabéwan or Dormékin, even though I am a dyed-in-the-wool Obi/Ani shipper and have been since about the age of five, when I first saw the movie that would later be renamed A New Hope. I have a few odd quirks when it comes to what I consider is and is not healthy and is and is not all that probable, given the nature of certain characters and the circumstances surrounding the canon interactions (and possible behind-the-scenes interactions) of those characters, but I like to think of myself as flexible, even when it comes to my most beloved SW characters. Readers should therefore not be surprised if I or even my characters refer to the possibility that, given slightly different results to specific circumstances (i.e., different outcomes to various possible points of divergence), they could have ended up becoming involved with and even quite happily wed others than the significant others they are committed to and bonded with in my AU series. The possibility of one or more different outcomes to events in which characters' experiences and lives would help form them into slightly different individuals is, after all, the very basis of AU itself . . .

PS: Oh. By the way, I participated in NaNo successfully in 2006, 2007 (despite broken bones, having bribed someone else to transcribe my typing for me from audio tapes), and 2008, and plan to continue to do so for as long as I live, if at all possible. Those NaNo projects are on my lj, but I've worked at getting them all (except for the HP one, which I haven't had time to get around to yet) cleaned up and truly finished, beyond the 50,000-word requirements, after each NaNo, so if you wonder why there are entries on my lj about my NaNo projects long after the month of November was up in any given year from 2006 onwards, this would be the reason why, okay? Also, the actual finished products can be read over at my fanfiction.net account (where I did my editing, since the LJ has this ridiculous word/character limit for posts that makes editing novel-sized chapters NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE). *Shrugs expressively* As I believe I've said before, my LJ is primarily for drafts. Most of what's posted here is old and likely incomplete, compared to more polished versions on the ff.net!

PPS: Given that RL is a bitch right now and I apparently don't have enough unshattered nerves left to deal with the hypocrisy and intolerance and plain mean-spiritedness that unfortunately seems to be running rampant in certain fandoms on the LJ, and given that I've always been endlessly frustrated by the LJ's word/character limits and the amount of time I waste trying to reformat things for the LJ, I've decided that this LJ is no longer going to be utilized as a place to post my story drafts. I will continue to use it to post links to my stories and to archive my constantly growing list of cast characters for my huge SW AU 'verse, but probably not for anything else.

Sorry, folks. I can't stand the cliquish high school behaviour or the small-mindedness or the sheer meanness of certain folks anymore. If I'd wanted to put up with this shite, I would've kept my job in publishing and knuckled under and followed the rules and had some knock-off of a knock-off of a jillion other generic fantasy or sci-fi stories published by now, instead of making myself and my muses happy by writing the kinds of things I wanted to write. *Shrugs*

Adieu. Namaste.

(I can't believe I'm wasting time and energy to do this, but . . . )

PPPS: All trolls will be summarily banned from commenting on this journal. Yes, actually, that includes YOU, oh two-faced person who, in April 2011, went from complimenting my unfinished Jack/Doctor story as new and exciting to trying to claim I'd stolen bits of it, even though the story has been up on ff.net since November 2010 and I had posted about abandoning it and putting it up for adoption for anyone who was interested in trying to do anything with the as yet unwritten but plotted/drafted bits of the various AU fix-it scenarios. If you are a troll, then for pity's sake go pester someone else and stop trying to waste my time. As I have dial-up and a father who was diagnosed with multiple myeloma http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_myeloma (a rather nasty cancer of the plasma cells) in July 2010, I understandably have extremely limited access to the internet and I'd rather not have to waste any of it dodging bile, ludicrous accusations, bad attempts at blackmail (yes, actually, dear, those bald threats you made? Constitute legal attempts at blackmail, according to a friend of mine's cousin, who is a licensed attorney. So that's attempted blackmail and libel on your part. Too bad you're too much of a coward to use your real name, or I could turn you over to the police for the first and the family lawyer for the second), or any other sort of troll-related nonsense.

And on that note, I'll be going back to my writing, now.

Slán, folks.
abuse recovery, alexander the great, aliens, alternate reality fiction, alternate universes, anakin skywalker, anakin/obi-wan, archaeology, art, arthurian legend, batman, battlestar galactica, bones, books, celtic legends, celtic mythology, chloe sullivan, chocolate, christopher reeve, chuck, clark kent, clark/lex, clex, cold case, colonel/general jack o'neill, criminal minds, crossover fics, csi, dana scully, daniel jackson, denial, dexter, dollhouse, dragons, dreaming, egypt, ewan mcgregor, faeries, fairytales, fanart, fandom, fanfic, fantasy, fellowship of the ring, feminist theory, fiction, film, firefly, fox mulder, gender, gender theory, ghosts, greco-roman mythology, harry potter, hephaistion, heroes, history, house, icons, intelligence, j. r. r. tolkien, jedi, john lennon, joss whedon, king arthur, kirk/spock, legend, lestat, level three, lex luthor, lex's lip scar, lex/clark, lexcorp, liberal politics, literature, lois & clark, lord of the rings, love, michael rosenbaum, movies, mulder/scully, music, mythology, nature, ncis, neo, noir, novels, obi-wan kenobi, original characters, philosophy, poetry, popular culture, pretty men, pretty things, psychology, qui-gon jinn, reading, return of the king, sam/dean, sanity/insanity, science fiction, serenity, sg-1, sidhe, slash, slash fanfics, sleeping, smallville, smiling, snark, speculative fiction, spiderman movies, star trek, star wars, star wars au, stargate, stargate atlantis, stargate sg-1, stephen king, superheroes, superman, supernatural, sv_journals, symbolism, t.s. elliot, teaching, the brain, the dark tower, the dead zone, the force, the kents, the matrix, the smallville ledger, the stand, the torch, the two towers, the west wing, the x-files, theatre, tom welling, travel, trees, tv, unseelie, vampires, vulcans, wicca, writing, x-men films

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